How to write an apology
Unpleasant as it can seem at the moment, making an apology can be the only way to save a fractured relationship. But an apology must be carefully crafted or it can create more problems than it solves.
For help in created an effective apology, follow the steps below. You can learn how to write an apology that will mend a relationship.
What’s the occasion for the apology?
Numerous incidents could provoke the need for an apology. Perhaps you made an honest mistake or had a misunderstanding. Maybe you inadvertently missed an important event. Or worse, you may have responded in anger to another person’s words or actions.
Whatever the event, it is important to act quickly and take the initiative—and the blame. Don’t wait for the other person to make things right. If too much time goes by, it may be too late to solve the issue. You need to be strong and do what's right. You need to apologize.
Business or personal?
An apology in your business relationships is handled much differently from one in your personal life. The business apology requires a higher level of formality. That formality is carried out in everything from choice of stationery, envelope, type face, and format to choice of wording in the final document.
A letter of apology should be written with the same care that you would give to any business letter. The overall appearance of the letter should convey seriousness and professionalism.
On the other hand, a personal letter should look—well, personal. Choose no-nonsense stationery. This is not the time to flaunt your new personalized Mickey Mouse signature stamp. The look of your letter should convey you at your best.
If the person is someone you see on a regular basis, sending the letter by mail may seem too impersonal. It may be preferable to leave it on your colleagues desk at work, in a school locker, or on the kitchen table. The method of delivery should fit the situation.
Why bother?
There’s always the chance that an attempt to reconcile a situation can make matters worse. Some people will react negatively to your sincere attempts to make things right. Is it worth the risk?
Probably. If a business or personal relationship is damaged beyond repair, chances are, it would happen eventually, no matter what you did to make amends. At least if you make an effort to mend things, you will have a clear conscience. Living with yourself will be much easier if you at least know you tried, than if the relationship fails and you made no effort to straighten things out.
When should this happen?
As soon as possible. Give the other party a cooling off period, but get your letter in the mail right away. Unsettled matters tend to fester and magnify. Your prompt action can be instrumental in getting things back on the right track.
Pass the blame, please
This is no time to spread the blame around. Even though you feel the other party was entirely to blame, the purpose of an apology is to take that blame upon yourself.
Your letter should not imply that you are expecting an apology in return.
A turn of phrase
Get started on the right foot. Let your reader know immediately what the purpose of your letter is. The level of formality will vary depending on whether this involves a social situation or a business transaction. Here are a few possibilities:
- Please accept my/our apology
- I want to apologize for
- I’m so sorry that
- I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am
- Please forgive me/us for
What to include
It goes without saying that your letter will include an apology. It may be possible to include an explanation for the misunderstanding. Be careful with this one, though. An elaborate explanation may sound more like an excuse. Emphasize the fact that you want to mend the relationship, whether it be business or personal. Your letter should demonstrate that you value the person as a friend or client.
Depending on the nature of the problem, you may want to offer some form of restitution. This could range from replacing your neighbor’s window that your child broke to offering a discount to a customer on future purchases.
A caution
If the event that triggered the need for an apology has the potential of turning into a lawsuit, use care in what you say and how you word it. If the circumstances are related to a pending divorce, for example, or if a disgruntled customer may decide to sue. In either of these cases, you may want to check with your lawyer before casually sending a letter.
Followup
If your relationship is on the personal level, it may be appropriate to suggest a time to meet. Suggest a neutral ground such as a nearby restaurant. Make it clear that your intent is to fix the relationship. A deeply offended person could easily be suspicious of your motives.
No pain, no gain
The effort you put into crafting an effective letter of apology can have a far-reaching effect. Learn how to write an apology and you can regain a friend—or customer—for life.
